


Cin vhetin

by cl410



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Pure Nonsense, Suffering rex, idk i took a bunch of cold medicine and this happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:01:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23223706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cl410/pseuds/cl410
Summary: “Are you high?” Rex demanded, hands on his hips as he stared down at them in disbelief and outrage.“On life!” Fives cheered, waving a fist around.“And spice,” Echo said dreamily. Then his eyes widened and he squirmed around, wide-eyed and earnest. “But on accident, sir, so it doesn’t count!”
Comments: 9
Kudos: 188





	Cin vhetin

**Author's Note:**

> This is 100% crack and totally unprompted but I am writing happy things to distract myself from the upcoming final episode. (Can I rewatch Order 66 after TCW? Probably, but I'm going to be very upset about it).
> 
> Title is after the Mando'a saying: Cin vhetin - a fresh start or clean slate; literally: "white field"

The explosion had been bigger than planned, but that was to be expected when Hardcase was given free reign of a case of thermal detonators and an order to create a distraction. 

Through his visor, Rex cast worried eyes over the tree line when his comms remained silent. His ARC troopers were some of the best, no doubt about it, but Fives had a knack for finding trouble that rivaled a Jedi. 

That Echo hadn’t checked either in was far more concerning. 

“There were a couple transports inside the base, sir,” Jesse said from his shoulder, scanning the demolished duracrete wall that had previously been guarding a house on this tiny backwater planet. “Probably why the explosion was bigger than expected.” 

The 501st had been ordered to track a smuggler suspected of feeding the Separatists intel back to his home while General Skywalker and Commander Tano made a nuisance of themselves back at the city’s smuggler headquarters. They would keep the others occupied long enough for the 501st to grab this guy, arrest him, and rendezvous back at the transport before all his friends clued in. 

Fives and Echo were supposed to have scaled the back wall after the explosion and checked in once they found the smuggler. They had a five man team for the snatch and grab, with the three of them- Rex, Jesse, and Hardcase- left to cover the exit and the speeders after they’d taken care of the handful of droids guarding the property. 

“Yeah, we clocked ‘em when we set up,” Rex said, frowning. No blaster fire, no shouts. No signs of a fight or a problem, except that he _couldn’t_ _find his troopers._

“Yeah, but we didn’t exactly account for what was _in_ them,” Jesse pointed out. He handed over his scanner with a funny expression. “Might want to take a look, sir.” 

Wary now, Rex focused on the base. A puffy white cloud billowed into the sky behind all the fire and rubble, mingling with thick charcoal smoke and obscuring everything within. “Is that-” 

“Yes, sir. Pretty sure it’s spice. A lot of it,” Jesse confirmed solemnly, but Rex could see the amusement lurking beneath his stoic expression. 

“Kriff,” Rex muttered. More 501st luck. He tossed the scanner back to Jesse and looked to him and Hardcase, who’d been busy admiring his handiwork. “Stay with the speeders. I’ll see what’s holding them up. Be ready to move.” 

He left the cover of the immense trees that banked along the south wall of the “house” that served a dual purpose for its smuggler-pirate-shithead owner. 

He lived in an isolated area, which was convenient and also exactly why they’d opted for a hard entry, but someone would eventually see the smoke and come looking. Assuming, of course, that his General hadn’t blown up a few things on his end to keep them occupied. Still, they were on the clock. 

He stepped carefully through a graveyard of duracrete from the thick wall, left seared and smoking in the glittery orange grass. Blaster drawn, Rex slipped through the smoke, heading for the courtyard, and abruptly found himself nose-to-helmet with the smuggler himself. 

“Hey, look,” the Bothan rumbled at the sight of him, seemingly content with his circumstances despite the cuffs holding him against the smoking remains of a ship. His feet dangled above the ground. “Another one!” 

Rex’s display was spitting out frantic warnings of the air quality. _Toxin Detected: Sansanna Spice, High Levels,_ it read. Helpful. The air filtration in his bucket should take care of it.

The Bothan wasn’t tracking well. He must have inhaled a good bit of his product, Rex thought as he watched the smuggler idly kick his feet and smile cheerfully back at Rex. 

Satisfied he wouldn’t escape, Rex stepped through the remains of at least four crates and found his troopers sprawled on the ground nearby. The jolt of relief was short-lived when he noticed the helmets on the ground beside them, and the slow glide of their limbs through the thick coating of white powder like they were trying to make snow angels in the blanket of spice and damp black dirt. 

“Captain!”

“Are you high?” Rex demanded, hands on his hips as he stared down at them in disbelief and outrage. 

“On life!” Fives cheered, waving a fist around. 

“And spice,” Echo said dreamily. Then his eyes widened and he squirmed around, wide-eyed and earnest. “But on accident, sir, so it doesn’t count!” 

Rex didn’t even bother trying to follow that logic. “Why are your helmets off? Get up, you two should have been clear with the prisoner already.” 

The sharp edge to his voice prompted a slow blink from each of them, then a gradual response as they clambered to their feet with all the dignity and grace of an intoxicated baby bantha.

“Mine got cracked, see?” Fives said proudly, presenting his bucket. Sure enough, a thick shard of wood from one of the crates jutted out from the visor, embedded deep enough that Rex took a second, alarmed look at Fives to make sure he wasn’t missing an eye. 

“And you?” Rex asked Echo. The cuffs were missing from his belt, so apparently he’d had time to bind the smuggler to the closest solid object before checking on Fives.

“Solidarity, sir,” he said, solemn. “Also I thought Fives was dead.” The spice was doing its job, Rex thought irritably, since Echo sounded remarkably unconcerned. 

His comm crackled to life. Rex moved, reminded of their timeline, and answered the comm as he hauled the Bothan down from the ship and beckoned his ARC troopers to follow. They stumbled along obediently, clutching each other to keep steady. 

“General.”

“Rex, how are things going down there?” General Skywalker sounded breathless. “Have you evacuated yet?” 

“Moving out now, sir. We had a minor complication.” 

“So did we,” General Skywalker said brightly, then swore and barked a warning. Rex could hear a _lot_ of blaster fire on the other end of the connection. Ahsoka sounded like she was having the time of her life, though, so it couldn’t be too bad. 

Rex shoved the Bothan at Hardcase and yanked Echo onto his own speeder, leaving Jesse to wrangle a happy but squirmy Fives. “Moving to the rendezvous point now, sir.” 

“Great, we’ll meet you there. We, uh, might be coming in hot.” 

As if that wasn’t standard operations when those two were left unsupervised. Kriffing jetii. 

“Noted,” Rex said dryly. The speeders zipped along, trees flashing by as they returned to the ship hidden within the far edges of the colossal forest. 

“Listen,” Fives told Jesse intently as they slid off the speeders, tipping dangerously forward. Jesse reared back before Fives cracked their heads together. “Listen, this is gonna sound _crazy,_ but you look _exactly_ like my brother.” 

Echo and Hardcase cracked up. 

Rex gave up trying to help Echo gently off the speeder and shoved him instead, let him fall with a thump to the soft grass at his feet. Echo didn’t appear to notice, too busy laughing himself to tears. 

“Kix is gonna be so mad,” Jesse said, awed. Rex was glad his helmet hid his wince of agreement. Hardcase was still cackling as he led the compliant Bothan onto the ship and cuffed him to one of the seats. 

“Get it? Do you get it?” Fives asked through his laughter, clutching his stomach as he slumped against the speeder. 

_“So mad,”_ Jesse repeated. 

“Get them on the ship,” Rex ordered. “Jesse-” 

“Yes sir, I heard. General’s coming in hot. What else is new.” Jesse sighed and turned to Fives. “C’mon, vod.” 

He hauled Fives to his feet and dragged him into the ship, buckling him into a seat as Hardcase deposited Echo beside him. 

There was a brief and undignified slap fight when Hardcase reached for Echo’s seat buckles; Echo subsided after a narrow-eyed look from Jesse that he most definitely picked up from Kix. 

Rex left them to it, busy guiding the speeders onboard and starting the ship engines. They whirred to life, loud enough to drown out Fives’ sudden singing. 

Rex glanced through the door to find Jesse kneeling at the edge of the open ramp, scope aimed at the series of explosions that historically preempted General Skywalker’s sudden appearance. 

“Looks like the Commander’s picking up on all his bad habits,” Jesse said echoing Rex’s thoughts. He sounded amused even as he settled more firmly against the wall and lined up a shot. “Laying down cover fire, sir. They’ve got a mob on their heels.” 

“Hardcase!” Rex shouted, flipping a couple switches and giving the ship enough juice to rise a couple feet in the air. 

“On it!” He hollered back, and there was a mechanical whine as the ship’s weapons system came to life. “Line of sight’s no good, sir!” 

“I got ‘em,” Jesse said calmly, and the steady crack of his rifle proved it. 

Rex’s comm sounded. “Rex, bring her out! We’re close.” 

“Yes, sir.” The ship glided sideways out of the trees, perhaps not quite as smoothly as the General had landed her. He angled them sideways, just far enough that the guns could spin around and lay down a vicious warning line. The mob skidded to a halt. 

Skywalker and Tano made the ten foot leap without a hitch in their stride. The ramp closed behind them as Rex gunned it for the planet’s upper atmo and out of reach, glancing back to check on them. 

Skywalker did a double take at the sight of Fives and Echo strapped in like a couple of cadets, their weapons held under Jesse’s close watch. “What the-” 

“We hit one of the smuggler’s ships during the entry, sir,” Jesse explained as Hardcase popped his head up from the gunner’s seat to watch with a wide grin. “There were some, uh, illicit substances on board.” 

“They’re high?” Skywalker marveled, which shifted to concern when Echo blew a raspberry at him. “...Are they okay?” 

“Never better, sir,” Fives chirped. “I caught a spear with my _face.”_

Ahsoka bent down, hands on her knees, and peered into his eyes. “Wow, you are blitzed,” she said, impressed. 

“No, I’m Fives,” he said slowly. Echo giggled. Ahsoka looked to Skywalker, slightly alarmed. 

“Ha ha! I get it!” The Bothan said loudly. 

There was a beat of silence while everyone turned to look at him. 

“Who’s he?” Fives asked, baffled. 

Rex just shook his head as he inputted the coordinates, praying for patience and also for Kix to be busy when they returned to the Venator. 

“Jumping to hyperspace,” he called. There was a vague noise of acknowledgement from Skywalker and Jesse. 

“Wow, Fives, this was a close one!” Ahsoka said, examining the ruined helmet. 

“Told you. Spear.” 

“I told you not to go over the wall that fast,” Echo lectured. _“Hardcase_ was blowing the doors, you should have known better.” 

“Hey!” Hardcase said indignantly. 

“Don’t even start,” Rex warned, getting up and tugging his helmet off. “Get up here and keep us on track. I need to check on these two di'kute.” 

Jesse glanced up from where he and Skywalker were crouched in front of Echo and waved a small device. “Getting their vitals, sir.” 

“Should we check the Bothan, too?” Rex asked. “He was also exposed.”

“Nah. This rankweed sucker’s been running intel between Separatists and the Trade Federation, according to some of his friends in town,” Ahsoka said, jerking a thumb over her shoulder at the Bothan. 

“Ahsoka!” Skywalker said, scandalized. “Language!” 

“You’re the one who taught me that!”

Skywalker sputtered. “I did not!” 

Rex subtly nudged them both aside to continue their argument so he could reach Fives and Echo. 

“Heartrate’s a little high,” Jesse reported quietly, angling the med scanner so Rex could see. “So is their temperature. But I think they’ll be fine until we can hand them off to Kix.” 

“Let’s hope so,” Rex muttered. Their medic was stretched thin, overrun with injured brothers from recent conflicts. It meant he was overworked and stressed to the max, and unamused by idiotic stunts between deployments.

Kix had a soft spot for his brothers, but also had no problem threatening them with horrifying fates whenever they did something stupid. No one wanted enforced bed rest for four cycles under Kix’s intense supervision even when they _were_ hurt. 

They made it back to the _Resolute_ without any further dramatics, other than Fives’ bastardized version of a Gamorrean opera, of which he only seemed to remember every third word and only had the range for brief parts of it. 

Skywalker grabbed the Bothan, who’d helpfully provided Fives with further song suggestions throughout the trip, and made a quick escape after landing in the _Resolute’s_ docking bay. Ahsoka scurried after him. 

“You can get those two to the medbay, right, Rex?” Skywalker called over his shoulder. He didn’t wait for a response. Ahsoka waved before vanishing around the corner. 

“Cowards,” Jesse said, grinning at their rapid retreat. “Kix isn’t that scary.” 

“You’re his favorite,” Rex reminded him. “Of course you’d say that.” He’d suffered his own lectures from their medic, rain or shine, concussion or no concussion. 

Informally published GAR Rule Number Three: Don’t Fuck with the Medics (They Have Hypos and Are Not Afraid To Use Them). 

Still buckled into the seats inside the ship, Fives and Echo seemed to realize they’d returned to the _Resolute._ The cacophony of resulting noise had nearby pilots turning to stare. 

“It’s okay, sir,” Jesse told him seriously. “I’ll save you.” 

“If I get stabbed with a hypo, I’m blaming you,” Rex told him, and ignored Jesse’s sound of protest to go deal with his rambunctious troopers before they accidentally strangled themselves in the seatbelts.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm i-like-plan-m on tumblr! Come say hi if you want, or send prompts.. haven't done those before but it sounds fun so why not
> 
> [Link to my tumblr](https://i-like-plan-m.tumblr.com/)
> 
> *The "you look just like my brother" joke was from a post I saw a while ago.. I'll link it once I track it down!


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